Sometimes in life people surprise you. It can often leave an indelible (happy) mark on you at a time that you perhaps needed it the most – especially with all the added complications that come with MS. This was the case with me and it is the absolute reverse of incorrect assumptions or judgements being made by someone else because of my condition. It turned out that it was me being judgemental – of myself!
I was working as a solicitor at the time and my fatigue and brain fog were seriously dragging me down. No amount of extra sugar, sleep or healthy eating were even touching the sides. I was shot to pieces most days.
I had a large legal book open in front of me. It was all I could do not to fall asleep. Not because of the content (which was dull, to be honest) but because of my brain capacity loaded with lesions. I had 4 fairly detailed and complex section numbers to dissect. I made it to section 1.2.2. Just. But as soon as I thought I had a handle on its practical meaning, it was gone. And I had to start re-reading again from the start. And then it happened again. By my 4th attempt, I threw the book on the floor in deep frustration.
“That was fairly dramatic”, smiled my lovely boss from around the door.
I explained that I had come to a crossroads about the law. I loved it but it didn’t love me anymore. My MS brain just couldn’t process what it needed to, at the speed at which I needed, and wanted, it to.
“This is not my way of lawyering and I loathe it”.
And this is where my boss floored me. “You’re likely a safer pair of hands than any of us in this department. Because you read everything 4 times. And if it takes a 5th time, you smile through it. And only then do you throw a book on the floor”. At a time when I was ready to throw my career on the floor due to MS, my boss saved me.
Please don’t underestimate yourself or your capacity in difficult circumstances. Find a different way if needs be. Sometimes MSers can be our own worst enemies. I know I can be! And sometimes, often, we need the kindness of others to help us to remember that.